I have always wanted to serve God in the worship team actually. Rewinding back to six years ago when I decided to learn the guitar, I was reminded that the main reason why I chose the guitar over the violin (I wanted to pick up a new instrument as I was bored with the piano ahahahaha) was because I wanted to play worship songs. With the guitar, you just have to strum the right chords according to the tempo of the song, which is way easier to play compared to the piano where you have to fill in the melody. I was pretty interested in learning the violin too, but....with the guitar, there is a higher chance that I would be able to play in a worship team.
I wanted to learn the electric guitar as well. But after going for classical guitar classes for about a year, I kinda just went with the flow, and continued playing the classical guitar and serving in my youth CG (cell group).
How I got from CG to worship team was quite a funny story. Towards the end of last year, I led worship in my varsity CG - for the very first time. Fast forward to April this year, my CG leader Sek Teng told me, out of the blue, that he gave my name to Jem, who is the camp committee for worship, because they were looking for acoustic guitarists. I was like, "Uhh what?! Okay...." Hahaha he never even asked me beforehand!
I was completely taken by surprise because never in my life would I have expected this. When Jem asked me personally if I would like to join the worship team, I wanted to say yes immediately. But I felt that there were other concerns that I need to consider first. I mean, I genuinely wanted to join the worship team, but I wasn't sure if I was ready and if I have what it takes to play in a worship team, for camp (which is a big deal). Besides that, I was in the midst of waiting for a reply from my university about my exchange. As camp was at the end of August, I was worried that I would be busy packing and stuff like that (because I would be leaving early September, that is if I got accepted for the exchange).
Even so, I was pretty sure that I want to be in the worship team. I wanted to grab on to this perfect opportunity to serve God, because I honestly don't know if I ever will have the chance to play in a worship team. I decided to talk to my parents about this, and well, they were very encouraging. So yeah, I was then officially in the worship team (for camp)!
To be honest, my initial enthusiasm somewhat faded halfway through the months of practicing. Going to church every Saturday morning seemed like a routine. I didn't really spend much time practicing the guitar at home until August came, and I borrowed my friend's acoustic guitar. During the weeks leading up to camp, I had one-on-one help from Jem and Jon for which I am entirely grateful for.
However, during that period of time, I started to be filled with doubt. I doubted my place in the worship team, I doubted my ability to be one of the frontrunners for Christ, I doubted my playing. I was constantly bugged by this voice in my head telling me that I'm not good enough compared to the others in the worship team, and so I would feel inferior sometimes. I kept wondering why Jem chose me when there are so many people in varsity who I believe are much better guitarists than I am.
And so, my confidence level just went on a downward spiral day by day, as I try my best to master each song. I started watching guitar tutorials or covers on Youtube, paying close attention to the strumming pattern, dynamics, and whatnot. I started practicing more often, which resulted in blisters over my fingers and then I had to put plasters...and continue playing.
The last Friday before camp I was at church with Jon and Jem to brush up on my playing, and after that the pain in my fingers went up to the extent where I could literally feel my fingers about to fall off. The pain had reached the joints of my fingers, and I freaked out for a bit because I have never felt such pain before, especially when I bent my fingers. I couldn't do anything about the pain except to stop playing for a couple of days and to pray to God. I kept asking God to take away the fear and to give me the confidence I need, at the same time reminding myself that everything I do is for His glory and so I have to give it my all.
Camp was from 29 August to 1 September. We departed from church on Friday night, and arrived at Peacehaven (which is in Genting Highlands) before midnight. The first session was on Saturday night, and thankfully my team wasn't playing for opening night otherwise I would definitely have felt extra nervous! My team was scheduled to play the whole day on Sunday, for two sessions including high praise.
You can say that eighty percent of the time at camp, I was feeling nervous, scared, stressed out, and panicky. But that didn't stop me from trusting in Him (however difficult it was at that time). This camp marks my first time attending pre-service prayer sessions, and I was glad I did because I felt God's presence with me during those sessions. To be honest, I found it was a struggle concentrating on God during worship because I was busy observing Jarrett, the acoustic guitarist for the other team, play. I kept admiring the way he strums so confidently, which absolutely strengthened the doubt that I had in myself. But during the last song, which was I Surrender by Hillsong, I decided to just surrender everything up to God and to just focus on Him.
After that night's session, during debriefing, Sek Teng aka the camp commandant dropped the bomb and asked us to start off the morning session with Tanggal 31 (since the next day is National Day). I started to freak out (internally), then frantically searched for the chords. Saw a couple of minor chords that I was not so familiar with and started to freak out (internally) even more, especially after Jem told me that the guitar is the main instrument for the song. I was so thankful for Foo Woei who stayed and helped me out with the chords.
The first thought that came to my mind the next morning was "no, I can't do it". Anyway, they decided that the song would be driven by the bass and electric guitar, so I just played what I can. Amazingly, I felt calm when I went on stage for the first time. I thanked God that the morning worship session went smoothly, felt a little relieved, yet still apprehensive for the night session because there were more acoustic guitar-driven songs and it would be really obvious if I made a mistake.
This was taken during the run-through before our session (please ignore my serious face; was concentrating on the chords) by the lovely Janice.
Right before the night session, I was as nervous as ever. But throughout the day I kept praying and praying. My strumming was quite okay for most of the songs, but there was one song called Your Love Never Fails by Jesus Culture, where I had to start solo and my first strum wasn't confident/loud enough. Eeeeeek I was so disappointed in myself because I could do better. Then there was another song where I kept playing even though the song has already ended (the others had stopped playing their respective instruments except for the keyboardist, and even then he was playing because I was playing, lol), but I thought that we were at the interlude going to the bridge, and was waiting for Joe to sing and was wondering why nobody was singing, until JJ suddenly whispered loudly "Phyllis, stop!" which startled me to the core, and I then frantically tried to gradually soften my strumming so it wouldn't sound like there was no music all of a sudden (I think I failed).
And then there was the song I Surrender during ministry time, where the acoustic guitar and the piano became the main instruments. I was playing the same four chords over and over again, when I could feel the guitar strings literally biting my fingers (so envious of JJ who just needed to press the keys), and at the same time feeling very terrified that the sound wouldn't turn out nice, or that I would play the wrong chords and just spoil the whole quiet and gentle atmosphere.
However, despite all the challenges and hardships I faced, I truly felt privileged and honoured to be playing for God. It was indeed a huge responsibility to be the one ushering in the Holy Spirit, especially during ministry time, and I am really glad I was the channel for the Holy Spirit to come down from heaven and touch the campers' lives. I focused more on God instead of my playing to take my mind off the pain. I thought about people all over the world being persecuted for their faith, and how Jesus was tortured back then because the Jews didn't believe He is the Messiah (we did the book of John for our worship team devotions for the past few months), and compared to all of that, the biting pain in my fingers was nothing.
After high praise, Joe thanked me for playing; Jarrett said I did a good job, although there is still space for improvement. But I kept dwelling upon my mistakes and feeling really bad about them. The next morning during devotions when Sek Teng was sharing, I was suddenly reminded that my mistakes are not important when you compare them to the bigger picture, which was a smooth session of worship where the Holy Spirit's presence was evident in the hall. I realised that it doesn't matter if we all made mistakes individually (and of course we would since we're not perfect) because we are playing together as a team to glorify God. And if God wants to do His will during worship, He will do it despite the mistakes, however big or terrible they are. The above was a timely reminder from God, which at that moment, felt like a light bulb that was suddenly lit up above my head hahaha.
Overlooking trees and mountains.
With Lisa...
...and Michele!
During games on Saturday! These selfies were taken as part of a game haha.
I.....
Celebrated fellow CG member Gia Huey's birthday with a creative cake made up of marshmallows, Snickers and peanuts LOL! Well, you innvoate when you're left with limited resources ;)
Taken on Sunday morning if I'm not mistaken. Only 24°C but so much mist!
Our exhausted faces after spending hours playing a game of physical Cluedo. Soooo mentally stressful and challenging my brain hurts :(
Sigh, my first mountaintop sunset :')
Worship session at night. Can you spot me? :B
Felt so surreal when Monday came. Farewell pictures with Careyann, Wei Chen, and Michele.
The experience of camp was very different this time, because of me being in the worship team with extra work and responsibility and all. Perhaps even too caught up in doing the work of God that sometimes the focus on God was lost.
An amazing thing happened after the last session on Monday morning. Pastor Susan, the camp speaker, called the camp committee, varsity leaders, and the worship team to come out to the front as she wanted to pray for us. Besides praying, she also gave each of us a few words from God (which I was really looking forward to). When she came over to me, the first thing she said to me was that I have a sweet spirit (she has never met me before). After praying in tongues for a while, she said she could feel that I'm a very cautious and guarded person who is always on the fringe (so true), for example when God calls me to swim out to the deeper end of the ocean, I would still remain at the shallow end playing with water. She then firmly told me that God is asking me to put my trust in Him as He will always be there for me.
As Pastor Susan prayed for me, my tears couldn't stop flowing out because whatever she said was so true (obviously the work of the Holy Spirit). All this while I had been filled with fear and doubt, even during the days in camp. As she prayed, I suddenly felt a burning sensation coursing through my body, as if the heat was flowing from my fingers and head all the way down to my feet. I have never ever ever experienced this kind of feeling before, and I was SO. IN. AWE. I mean, I have felt the Holy Spirit many times before, especially during worship, but it was merely a tingling sensation. This time, I actually felt hot. I just knew it was the Holy Spirit working within me and it was really an indescribable experience to get anointed by God in such a way.
After camp, Jem whatsapp-ed each of us personally. She told me that I went beyond her expectations, I was amazing, she and a lot of others in the team were so happy with how I did, I had improved so much, had really showed determination and effort throughout the whole process, and was solid at camp. WOW. I felt so, so touched by her message because I really never expected that :') All glory to God, who always double or triple what we offer up to Him!
My oikos, my family. Being in the worship team for camp was indeed a memorable and an incredible journey. I had learnt a lot; still trying to build my confidence, but most importantly I had drawn closer to God throughout the months. Really gonna miss the weekly practices and the frustrating times spent figuring out the key of a song and the random fun jamming sessions and well, basically just everything. And everyone :(
"For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others." - Romans 12:4-5
(Photo credits to Ben and Janice)
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